I see you.
I see you waking up before your alarm. Sure, you couldn’t fall asleep the night before because your mind cycled endlessly though thoughts.
Last night you lay awake, contemplating all your life’s choices and over-analyzing everything you have done to bring you to this very moment in your life. You listen to your husband breathing loudly through his mouth beside you, and a tinge of anger washes over as you envy his ability to fall asleep in 39 seconds. There is a fly buzzing somewhere in the room. You get up to pee for the second time, and the fly follows you. You trip over a laundry basket in the hall, and think to yourself, “Right. Shit… Laundry. I left another load in the washer.”
You shuffle back to the bedroom and lie back down. Sleep comes at some point, but you cannot recall exactly when. Your eyes open and you instinctively grab your phone. 5:11am… Still another 49 minutes until your alarm goes off. Not enough time to fall back asleep, though. At some point the baby crawled into bed with you, and now her feet are pressed against your side as she does some sort of yoga pose horizontally across you and your husband. He’s still sleeping soundly, and so is she. *grits teeth*
You wander down to the kitchen and put on some coffee. What a mess. Kids clothing strewn about. Bits of magic sand scattered across the table and floor. And dishes piled high across the counter and into the sink. The recycling needs to be taken out still. And the garbage – judging by the smell, it needs to go out, too.
You grab your coffee and sit down on the couch to casually thumb through Instagram and Facebook before the kids wake up. The steam rises up to your face, and the coffee smells like heaven. Sure, its some generic brand – but this, my fellow mammas, is love in a cup. 5:30am never looked so good, as you sit down and sip your hot cup of coffee in silence.
All you can hear is that damn fly still buzzing somewhere.
The kids begin to wake up, and it’s followed by a series of demands for iPads, fighting for the bathroom, and shouts of, “Are the dishes in the dishwasher clear or dirty?!”
The sparkle of the coffee wears off and you try to sneak into the bathroom to finish getting ready for work. As you apply your mascara, you are repeatedly bumped in the elbow by the swinging open of the bathroom door (thanks to your toddler). You realize you are late, and you give kisses and I love yous as you jet out the door.
Your check engine light is on, and your tank is nearly empty (thank, hun…) You reluctantly stop for gas figuring that being late is better than being stuck on the side of the road. Bank card declines – shit – so you pay with credit, and make a mental note to look at your bank account when you get to the office. You race down the road and stop yourself from brake-checking the asshole riding your behind. You pull into work, try to find parking, and reach for your bags… double-shit. You forgot your lunch.
Your day is filled with work catch up, meetings and text messages from your husband asking how to get to your son’s ball games, or if there is enough money in the account to pay for (insert item here). You email the dentist, and call the doctor’s office to book follow up appointments. You live on coffee and rice cakes you’ve left in your desk.
You race home, only to walk into a house that is ten times messier than it was when you left. You put on more coffee and roll your sleeves up so you can dive into the laundry/dishes/piles of random assorted crap all over. You get some pasta boiling and some sauce heated up for dinner, and say fuck it to the garlic bread – it takes too long, and everyone just eats the broiled cheese off it anyway…
You run through showers and teeth brushing – ok maybe teeth brushing gets overlooked sometimes. You read stories, sing twinkle twinkle little star, refill water cups, scratch backs, do secret handshakes, say I love yous, and give goodnight kisses.
And then maybe, just maybe, you get a workout in and shower.
Lather, rinse, repeat.
Mommas, I see you.
This is your reminder that you’re going to be alright. And maybe I need the reminder more for myself tonight.
But know that it IS going to be alright. And you’re doing a good job.