It’s been a while since I sat down to write.
To be honest, the words haven’t flowed like they used to. At first it began as therapy. Each story unfolding with words carefully strung together in a sequence that allowed my mind to de clutter.
But, as my mind cleared and the stories ran out, I stepped back from my blog and focused more on my Social Media page posts.
I shifted the spotlight onto body positivity. By talking about this particular subject, I started being able to reach more people. The feedback was astounding. People reaching out to me and thanking me for motivating them to wear a bathing suit, or for helping them make positive changes to their lives. And some women, helping free them from diet culture.
However, I feel like I’ve hit a wall.
A complete and utter block.
But when I think about the writing and how it compares to life, they seem to be running on the same track.
I’m not drowning. I’m not trying to stay afloat. I have no battles I’m trying to fight, nor do I have any unwritten trauma to work through. My life is relatively boring. Stable and steady. Work is good. Kids are healthy(ish) and in good mental health. We are on summer break and things are fun right now. I am comfortable in my skin, and have found the balance that I was after.
I mean, things aren’t perfect – but I’m not in a terrible place.
It’s the best way to describe things. Plain, simple, yet delicious.
Stripped back, basic, unravelled.
These are the times we need to get more comfortable in. When there is no drama, and things are peaceful. We know how to try and survive the hard times – stay busy and distracted, meditate, drink more water and exercise, read a few more self help articles, engage in a social life – you know the drill.
And when things are blissfully wonderful, well… it’s just that. Easy.
But what about the in between? Do we know how to function when things are mediocre?
After a week in the hospital with my youngest, I am now home on “vacation” with the kids. A stay-cation, if you will. No camping planned, no outings scheduled every day of the week. The boys played with LEGO and went fishing today, Finn spent 90% of the day naked on the deck, Avalon played on her iPad, and I worked in the garden. Makeup free, music on, dirty hands – vanilla. Just… simplicity.
I sat down for a moment in the summer sun, not too hot and not to cool. I thought about how beautiful it was to just be. To get my hands dirty and have nowhere to be, and no expectations.
It took me a while to get comfortable with the thought. But here we are, and honestly – it’s a beautiful thing. I like it here. I like vanilla.