The early mornings are my time. I rise before the sun, before the kids wake, before the cat starts meowing for food. It’s my time to get things done before the chaos ensues.
At 5:30am, I stumble into the kitchen and put on some coffee. This morning particularly, my husband is also up and getting ready to leave. We chat for about 45 seconds in passing – he didn’t get home until midnight from his “other job” (aka bottling syrup) so we didn’t see each other yesterday.
I sit down on the couch and soak in the silence. It’s beautiful. I can hear the faint sounds of Finn’s white noise app playing, and some slight rustling from one of the boys in the bedroom behind me.
I think about my day; my weeks to come. What needs to be put on the calendar and which loose ends need to be tied. The appointments that need booking, the cake orders I have coming up, the workouts I hope to accomplish, the meal prepping, the cleaning, the bills that need to be paid, the summer schedule that needs to get hammered out, the vacation times that needs to get booked, the baseball practices/games/tournaments…
It’s silent, but my mind is loud.
It never shuts off… the mental load is bearing down on me and it’s screaming at me to put something onto paper.
I sip my coffee and hear the baby start to whimper. It’s now 5:45am… too early for her to be waking.
The coffee is cold now. Nothing out of the ordinary… I drink it anyway.
It really made me think. Think about the little things and how much I appreciate them – like early morning coffees. As a mom I take on so much to ensure the smooth sailing of this ship.
I had a chat with a coworker yesterday about the sacrifices we make as mothers for our kids. She explained to me that her mother told her “I worked for free for 5 years!” and it makes sense. You pay for daycare, and car insurance, gas etc and hope that you’ll break even. But still I get up everyday, drive them all over the planet, work 9 hours, come home, do all the mom things, and repeat. It never slows, the loads never lighten.
And I know the kids don’t appreciate it now; but my coworker assured me that they will as adults. One day they will get it. One day they will be grown with their own children, driving them all over gods green earth, and they will think, “I remember my mom driving me everywhere…. man that must have been tough.”
One day they will appreciate the lunches I packed with little notes, the boots I made sure still fit them, the Taco Tuesdays I would plan, and the appointments I would schedule and take them to.
And maybe one day they will appreciate their own 5:30am coffee. Sitting in their homes, in the silence of the early dawn, and they will think of me… just as I am sitting here thinking of my own mother and all that she did.
Thanks for this one, Avalon. Just a little reminder that maybe I am, after all, a Supermom.